Shelly’s wrote:

Dear Practical Mentor,

I have been working under my current boss for 1 year. His management style is one of a kind. I’m writing in for any advice that could help ease my frustration and view the situation from a different perspective.

My boss has a Jeckel & Hyde personality. You never know which personality will show up to work. He could be micromanaging or unreachable, friendly or scolding, absent from work or complaining that I took too long of a lunch break – you get the idea. In the office he is labeled, Michael Scott from the sitcom ‘The Office’ which represents an unproductive and mindless character. He shows favoritism, makes employees cry, doesn’t give recognition, refuses to hold yearly reviews, condescending to most women in the office, and would never be considered as a reliable/respectable reference if I ever left the company.

Any advice around this topic would help me and many others out there with a ‘Michael Scott’ boss.

Sincerely,

Shelly

Getting along with the boss is one of most important parts of your job and sometimes the hardest.  At one of my first management courses the first question the instructor asked was “What is the most important part of your job?”  He went around the room having each of us answer.  Being new managers, we all answered what our roles were: to accomplish the company goals; to get the work done; to supervise our staff; to demonstrate leadership; etc, etc.  I am sure we listed every item in the manager’s handbook. We were really proud of ourselves for we thought we had covered every conceivable management cliché and used all of the buzzwords.  We were all surprised when the instructor said, “You are all wrong. “  “Your most important job is to make your boss happy, within legal limits.”  By the end of the course he convinced me that he was right, but to my detriment I never completely mastered it.

If you were ever lucky enough to work for a boss you liked, you know how much more productive and happy it makes you. Unfortunately the converse is also true. The more difficult your boss is to get along with, the worse the job environment. In my opinion, there are very few people who actually like their bosses, but you cannot always tell by looking.  The smart move is not to trash your boss, especially to coworkers.  What you say more often than not gets back to your boss.  My advice for the water cooler roast is to listen, maybe makes a few non-committal gestures, but don’t say anything negative.  If you must say something, statements such as “You may have a point” or “I have heard others say that”, keep you in the loop, but out of trouble.  I know a guy who is a master at repeating what others said while distancing himself from any responsibility.  I don’t recommend it, but if you have to say something, try to phase it as someone else’s opinion.  Statements such as “I may not agree, but Joan said the boss really does not know what he is doing.”  At least there is some distance between you and the negativity.  Again the best approach is to either say something positive or say nothing at all.  Watch when coworkers ask for agreement on their negative opinions, these are often traps.  A shrug of the shoulders may be a good defensive response.

Although you feel like the victim, and probably are, a difficult boss is your problem not theirs.  The odds against winning a war with a manager are slim to none. That only leaves a couple of choices, change your attitude or endure it.  As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” If you can change your attitude you can eliminate a lot of the stress associated with a bad boss.  (Easier said than done)   One thing I observed is people who act like they have a good relationship with their boss are better off than those who appear unhappy.  The military spends a great deal of time training recruits to take orders without showing negative emotion.  It takes practice and discipline but it can be done.  I know people who are masters at it.  “Happy to do it sir” is their motto, while inside they may feel differently.

There is an article on the Psychology Today site, “Tame the Office Tyrant” http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tame-your-terrible-office-tyrant/200912/are-your-career-skills-ready-2010, which gives advice on how to deal with difficult situations.  An approach I learned from a friend in HR was to make a game of it and psychoanalyze the boss.  By paying close attention, you can learn to read their moods; anticipate their actions; learn their methods; and develop plans for effectively dealing with them.  Gather intelligence; I once had a bipolar boss who was really tricky to deal with. I made friends with his secretary and she would tell you what kind of mood he was in before I went into his office.  If it was a bad time, I would find an excuse to postpone the meeting until he was in a better mood.   Also it is better to have the high ground, and not be in the wrong.  Do a good job.  You own your work product and are responsible for it.   I know coworkers who tried to sabotage their boss by not doing their work or doing it poorly.  It always backfired.  There is also a perception the more work you do the more is piled on.  One suggestion is don’t turn your work in early.  If you finish early, go over it again to see if you can improve it.  If there is no reward for doing extra work, manage your schedule so that you are always working on something.

My last point is that bosses are people too.  There is a difference between a yes man, and an artful dodger.  Late in my career I worked with a young PhD candidate who started working as an intern while he worked on his thesis.   I think I was his friend although it was impossible to tell.  He treated everyone like a friend and talked nice about everyone.  I watched as he advanced from an intern to a Division Chief. A few times over a couple of beers that he confided that he didn’t like our boss.  I am sure our boss never knew it, even when the boss became subordinate to the artful dodger. Although I watched his meteoric rise, and learned a lot from him, my personality and ego would not let me imitate his style. For example, the way my friend would talk about his relationship with the boss, everyone including me, thought that he was in tight. Even though he was the most junior person on staff, he had the most influence.  Everyone asked his advice because they though he had an inside track to the boss.  It was only later I found out the boss treated him exactly like the rest of us.  However, his attitude gave him a special status, and unwittingly the rest of us supported him by spreading the word he was special.  A true artful dodger, and everyone liked him.

I guess the bottom line is to do some analysis and make a plan.  Try to make getting along with your boss a strategic game.  Gather intelligence, make alliances, take count of your resources, and then develop a plan. Keep what works for you and discard what doesn’t.  In the meantime, if things are unbearable look for a change.  But be forewarned, we tend to take our baggage with us.  Most of my fresh starts lasted about six months until I was back in the same old rut, which means part of the problem was me.

Leave me a comment, tell a friend.

Good luck.

The PracticaL Mentor.